I've always had ambitions and goals, whenever I hit something I would never just sit there and congratulate myself because the second got where I wanted to be I wanted more.
It started early in my life, I remember being little and for some reason my cousins and I decided it would be a good idea to sell perfume (aka flowers and water in a spray bottle). We targeted my family of course, but selling to just one or two aunts wasn't enough, even though my cousins were happy with just 5 Syrian Lira to their names, I wanted 10.
Things just got worse from there.
Here I am, at 18. I've got a job, I make decent money, I have friends and family that love me, I got the grades I wanted to get into the uni of my choice, I have a house, food, hell I'm an attractive person with enough makeup to last a life time. Everything a girl my age would want.
It's still not enough, when I was younger I always knew what the next step was, but now I don't, I have what I want, but I'm not content.
I don't know why or what I want/need to feel content, I just know a sense of accomplishment has to be more than just a smile, I wanted to feel something on the inside.
Looking at it now I'm just not proud of myself, because I compare myself to other people who seem to have everything fingered out, but no one does.
People assume that about me you know, blonde, blue eyes, tall and I've been asked out enough times to know I have options. I'm seen as "That Girl" the one with the typical pretty blonde life. But that's not the case.
I wish people would stop seeing me for this fake ass person that smiles to insure no one notices how unhappy I am.
I think my point is that you can't compare yourself to people who seem like they have everything going on, because they don't, no one does.
These assumptions will only drive you crazy and the stress you put yourself under to be "perfect" like them will make you feel empty inside, because they were never perfect in the first place.
Thank you!
Lana
xx
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