A letter to my Dad - A death in the family

The word Dad would linger on my tongue whenever I said it, It didn't feel right, I didn't have one therefore I wasn't entitled to say the word.

As you may have guessed, my dad died.

I was 3 years old.

I did not attend the funeral.

My mom always said she never knew when we understood he was dead, "As you grew older you just stopped asking when he was coming home"

Its tragic and heart breaking.

We apparently spent months asking/saying things like "when is daddy coming home?" , "you'll see mom, he'll come back, he loved us" and "He went up to the sky, mommy says he's in a better place".

As I grew older I never asked about my father, I wasn't allowed to in my mind, he was dead, it was over and there was nothing left to do, I didn't have many memories and I had to live with that.

I remember I used to allow myself the anniversary of his death to be sad about it, and try to morn a loss that I still didn't understand.

I had a friend that once said to me "stop feeling sorry for yourself, you never knew him, you can't miss him".

She didn't seem to realise that you don't only miss the person, it's the absence of their presence that really gets to you. Seeing my uncles be fathers a wondering why I couldn't have someone like that in my life was enough. 

To anyone who's had a death of a parent, I admire you. You're family will always feel incomplete, no one can begin to comprehend the pain you feel when you look at pictures of when they were alive and wonder why?.

Everything in life has a reason but a child losing a parent has none, its cruel.

I wish I could say you stop missing them but everyday you spend trying to make them proud.

So with that in mind...

Dear Dad.

I miss you, but you already know that.

I wonder what you would've done when that boy broke my heart

I wonder if you would've thought I was beautiful. 

I wonder if you would've liked my dog or my taste in clothes.

What stories would you have read and would you have tucked me into bed

With all the wonder comes hope, like...

I hope you are truly in a better place

I hope I get to see you again some day

I hope you're not mad, disappointed or sad

Dad I hope you are proud. 

Thank you! 

Lana xx

Find me:

Twiiter: lana_blowers

Instagram; lanablowers13 

Getting Highlights - Need to know

Looking in the mirror I didn't like what I saw, i wanted to do something different, i had already gone from long hair to short, side parting to middle parting and so on, I was running out of options.

I then realised now is probably the best time to take a shot at hair dye, after weeks of late nights on google images I decided I wanted to go slightly lighter on the ends, a sorta ombre effect.

This was the best option for me aw it would't be a drastic change but still enough to make a difference. These were the results...








I was actually pretty happy with how things turned out, the picture doesn't really do what I had done justice

Never the less I learned a lot getting this done and I wanted to share that with you.

1. If you are a first timer, get this done at a salon, especially if you are an inpatient person as this is a pretty long process.
   
   
2. That tin foil stuff is actually really heavy and be prepared to have neck pain the next day.
   
   
3. Get this done at a good salon, do your research and look at all your different options.
   
   
4. Discuss what you want with the person actually doing your hair, they will always give you an honest opinion. 
   
   
5. Bring things to keep you occupied because It took a total of 2 and a half hours to get mine done and I don't even have thick hair. 
   
    

Before.

 During                                                                                                                                                                                                  After






I wanted to say a huge thank you to the girls at Toni & Guy who did this for me! 

Costs

Highlights: £60 

Cut: £40 

Thank you 

Lana xx

Find me

Twitter: lana_blowers

Instagram: lanablowers13

Suicide attempt - Why I wish it worked

I was in the hospital and I had never felt so disappointed in my life, I was disappointed in myself for making the ones I loved suffer so much but I was also disappointed it didn't work.

You see, a year ago I tried to kill myself, I was rushed into the hospital and almost died.

As blunt as that was it is a fact and sadly a part of my life. I'm not going to go into detail about how I did it just because I find it's pointless.

I remember it being really impulsive, people will always see suicide as an act of weakness. "how could you do that to those who love you" is a common question, and honestly I didn't care because in that moment I felt like no one loved me, I felt like people would be better off without me.

It was quick and before I knew it I was in the hospital ridiculously ashamed of myself.

The ultimate truth about suicide is how hard it is if you survive, you feel worse than you did in the moment you wanted to take your life, you feel like a failure. 

You are forced to talk about feelings you wanted to forget and trust me the last thing you want to do is talk about something you failed at when all you wanted was just for everyone and everything to just go away, but now everyone is down your throat asking why while trying to help.

Funnily enough you feel even more alone than you did before.

I remember I had a gig at the Black Lion pub 4 days after, I missed a full day of rehearsals and let a lot of people down and for that I am sorry. 

A year later I wish it worked, not a day goes by when I don't wonder "what if" and that sucks because all you've ever wanted was to be better for those who love you, but you still wish you died.

How do you tell those who love you that you wish you were dead, that all their efforts were all a waste of time and that nothing has changed?

You can't, something's are best kept buried in our heads.

Thank you 

Lana 

xx

Twitter : lana_blowers

Instagram: lanablowers13

Looking put together - Red lipstick 101

Back in 2012 Taylor Swift released an album titled "Red", Taylor started wearing red lipstick constantly and I decided I wanted to do the same.

That year for Christmas I got my first ever red lipstick, it was a Rimmel London one in the shade "111, Kiss of life", ever since then I haven't been more obsessed with a lip colour.

As I got lazier I realised I could wear very limited face makeup and still get away with it if I was wearing a bold lip colour. 

In the picture above I am literally wearing concealer, mascara, eyebrow gel and of course red lipstick, but I remember getting a ridiculous amount of compliments that day. 

I owe my life to red lipstick, the amount of times I've worn it and felt empowered and sexy is insane and no other beauty item has ever made me feel that way. 

Thank You 

Lana 

x

Life Update - Scoliosis surgery, University and much more

For this post I just wanted to update you on a few things going on in my life that may effect how much/when I will be posting. 

The first major life event is my scoliosis surgery due to be on the 14th of July, anyone that knows anything about the condition will know it isn't an easy surgery, that is why I have planned and will begin writing all my posts for 2 months after my surgery.

This is because I have no idea how well I will recover and wouldn't like any stress or worry about having to write/prepare a post. 

My cousin from America will also be visiting on the 7th of July, this has no direct effect to my posts however I will be doing loads of fun things with her which I shall be talking about on this blog, mid August.

When it comes to university I have no plans, I have applied for September 2017 and will be taking a gap year to figure things out, I will still be working part time at Kurt Geiger and will hopefully arrange to get more hours.

With all this being said as you can imagine this surgery is starting to stress myself and my family out, we have loads of things to get done before the big day so if I miss a day or things are late please be patient. 

When it comes to the materiel I write about things will stay the same, on Wednesday I will talk about more serious/life issues and on Sunday I will target the beauty side of things, I can't promise this will be the same permanently however I do promise I will have an equal balance of both materiel.

I know this is short and sweet but I just needed to explain a few things I am currently facing.

Thank you    

Lana xx

If you would like to see what I get up to on a daily basis as well as up to date pictures of myself and my cousin and my surgery be sure to follow...

Instagram; lanablowers13

Twitter: lana_blowers 

When Everything isn't Enough

I've always had ambitions and goals, whenever I hit something I would never just sit there and congratulate myself because the second got where I wanted to be I wanted more.

It started early in my life, I remember being little and for some reason my cousins and I decided it would be a good idea to sell perfume (aka flowers and water in a spray bottle). We targeted my family of course, but selling to just one or two aunts wasn't enough, even though my cousins were happy with just 5 Syrian Lira to their names, I wanted 10.

Things just got worse from there.

Here I am, at 18. I've got a job, I make decent money, I have friends and family that love me, I got the grades I wanted to get into the uni of my choice, I have a house, food, hell I'm an attractive person with enough makeup to last a life time. Everything a girl my age would want. 

It's still not enough, when I was younger I always knew what the next step was, but now I don't, I have what I want, but I'm not content. 

I don't know why or what I want/need to feel content, I just know a sense of accomplishment has to be more than just a smile, I wanted to feel something on the inside.

Looking at it now I'm just not proud of myself, because I compare myself to other people who seem to have everything fingered out, but no one does.

People assume that about me you know, blonde, blue eyes, tall and I've been asked out enough times to know I have options. I'm seen as "That Girl" the one with the typical pretty blonde life. But that's not the case.

I wish people would stop seeing me for this fake ass person that smiles to insure no one notices how unhappy I am.

I think my point is that you can't compare yourself to people who seem like they have everything going on, because they don't, no one does. 

These assumptions will only drive you crazy and the stress you put yourself under to be "perfect" like them will make you feel empty inside, because they were never perfect in the first place.

Thank you! 

Lana 

xx

Tanning 101 - When you're white as fuck

I always envied people who tanned easily, living in Syria I was surrounded by people with beautifully tanned skin and I was always the whitest in the bunch who couldn't step out the door without SPF 50.

Before leaving for Dubai I picked up some tanning oil and holy crap this stuff is amazing.

The stuff I went for is by Garnier and its called "Amber Solaire protective oil".

They do a few variations ranging in SPF, the one I would recommend is the SPF 30, its got enough to ensure you don't burn.

Some people think the lower the SPF the more likely they will get tanned but that's the complete opposite.

You need protection as the sun is seriously harmful.

I wouldn't recommend you use this on your face however, only because it is very oily and you'd probably be better off using a specific sun protector for your face.

This stuff retails for £7.50 and is honestly a bargain for the quality of this stuff.



Never the less I hope this helped and enjoy the sun!

-Lana xx

Product Mentioned: 

http://www.boots.com/en/Garnier-Ambre-Solaire-Protective-Oil-SPF30-150ml_1211290/

3 Countries, 7 Schools and no where to call home

As you can tell from the title, I've moved around a lot. I've lived in England, Namibia and Syria over the past 18 years of my life.

My first memory of being different was in year 1, I just moved to Syria that summer and had started in this new international school called "The Choueifat"

Looking around the room I realised my brother and I were the only 2 blondes and the rest had dark hair and skin with names I couldn't pronounce. I was different, foreign in their eyes and was obviously made fun of, but that didn't matter because I was British, I was born in England and had the passport, I always told myself that when I got "home" I'd belong.

8 years passed and we moved back to England, I was sad to leave all the friends I had made behind but I was excited to not be seen as different any more, I was so wrong.

On my first day of school everyone refused to show me around, which resulted in getting lost, showing up late to lessons and obviously being made fun of for that, I was confused I was supposed to belong here, they were British like me, why didn't they like me? and why was I so different?

I remember wondering what I was because I was rejected from both countries I had lived in.

Looking back at it now I realise that no one fits into a category of race, your race doesn't define you or your personality, if anything the close friends you make along the way define you, they make you unique and culturally diverse.

You pick up so much from all these different people and different countries which results in you becoming so different and special. You end up choosing who you want to be rather than follow what your countries stereotypes are.

You define yourself, your accent, looks, languages and open-minded attitude often puzzles people, because they can't fit you into a, you are so unique...

So congratulations, you are your own race.

*A few picture of the beautiful people I've meet along the way*

Thank you!

Lana xx

Summer Essentials

Over the past few days the weather has been incredible, this has pretty much made me more excited for summer than ever!So over these past few days I have found a few products I feel are perfect for this time of year so without any more rambling, here they are.

As you can see some of them are pretty obvious, the first being the sunglasses. I actually picked these up on my holiday in Beirut because I realised on the plane I had forgotten my own ones back home however these quickly became my favourite pair. 

They are a tortoiseshell frame which I personally find flatter how white and pale I actually am, as they aren't as heavy as the plain black ones.

Topshop £14: http://www.topshop.com/en/tsuk/product/bags-accessories-1702216/sunglasses-468/wilson-wayfarer-sunglasses-5157812?bi=60&ps=20

The makeup items on the left are (in order)

Urban Decay, Naked skin foundation in 1.0, This is an amazing lightweight foundation perfect for summer, it doesn't feel heavy on the face at all.

Urban Decay foundation £27: http://www.urbandecay.co.uk/en_GB/face/foundation/naked-skin/334.html#start=2&cgid=4_509

The brow tint from Rimmel is such a good product for the price!, it is pretty much a tinted gel that you apply to your eyebrows to both fill them in and keep them in place, this lasts all day and is almost sweat proof.

Brow this way Rimmel London Eyebrow tint in Blonde £3.99:  http://www.boots.com/en/Rimmel-Brow-This-Way-Styling-Gel_1505287/

This lip balm by Palmers is such a good product, it has a SPF 15 which is great for the sun as well as a tint.

Palmers Lip Balm in Dark Chocolate and Cherry£2: http://www.sainsburys.co.uk/shop/gb/groceries/lip-care/palmers-dark-choc---cherry-lip-balm

Finally on that side is a cream highlighter with a beautiful pinkish undertone.

Whatt's up highlighter by Benifit £24.50: https://www.benefitcosmetics.com/uk/en-gb/product/watts-up-cream-highlighter%20

On the right side I've put a few bright coloured eyeliners, Summer is the prefect time to experiment with bright colours and doing it through eyeliner is such a good idea. The ones in the picture are in colours like gold, green, blue, and glitter blue.

Loads of brands do this type of stuff ranging from the body shop, barry M, Urban Decay and Bourjois.

http://www.boots.com/en/Barry-M-Bold-Waterproof-Eyeliner_1219435/
http://www.boots.com/en/Bourjois-Contour-Clubbing-Eyeliner_1313124/
http://www.urbandecay.co.uk/en_GB/eyes/eyeliner/heavy-metal/390.html#start=2&cgid=1_500

I've also mentioned a few nail polishes I find are perfect for summer, pastels, blues, copper and much more, which again I shall be linking below.

http://www.superdrug.com/Make-Up/Nails/Nail-Polish/Tanya-Burr-Fairy-Godmother-Nail-Polish-9ml/p/491103
http://www.superdrug.com/Make-Up/Nails/Nail-Polish/Ciate-Olivia-Palermo-Nantucket-Np-13-5Ml/p/608906
http://www.superdrug.com/Make-Up/Nails/Nail-Polish/Barry-M-Molten-Metals-Nail-Paint---Copper-Mine/p/692115

Finally The last and most exciting thing I've been obsessed with, is my new bikini, I actually got this from American Eagle, Its such a pretty blueish, green colour. It actually crosses at the back which is really in fashion at the moment.

I highly recommend the brand for bikini/swimsuit shopping as the tops actually come in cup sizes rather than just regular sizes i.e 8, 10, 12, 14 and so on.

https://www.ae.com/aerie-swim-bridget-pushup-bikini-top-skylight/aerie/s-prod/2751_9127_432?cm=sGB-cGBP&mmCat=cat7770009

Thank You so Much! 

Lana xx

   

Obsessive calorie counting - My unhealthy relationship with food

I did't know I had a problem till recently when I couldn't physically do any exercise without calorie counting.

Over the past few years I've never been content with myself, especially my body. I decided I wanted to get "fit" and start working out, I didn't actually realise how dangerous this simple decision could be.

It started out simple, eating less and exercising more, but it soon became an obsession. It was my goal to burn off more calories than I had consumed. I would spend anywhere from 1 to 2 hours at the gym writing down how many calories each machine burned, even when I was home I'd religiously run up and down the stairs just to burn off that extra bite I had for dinner.

When it came to food I'd eat a cereal bar in the morning, it was 99 calories. I'd then skip lunch and spend all day on nothing until dinner. Dinner was difficult as my mother was the one cooking, however I always made sure to eat half my plate then I'd rush up to the bathroom, turn on the tap and start sticking my finger down my throat until nothing but water came out.

I started to go on pro anorexia sites as they had the best tips to keep occupied and avoid food.

This never lasted long, after 1 to 4 weeks I'd relapse and start eating normally again, however the second I did that I'd feel guilty and go back to my old ways, and the cycle continued for 2 years. 

I didn't realise I had a problem because in my eyes I was still eating and my ribs didn't show, therefore it couldn't have been an eating disorder. 

I'm not writing this for sympathy or as confession. I am writing it to explain an eating disorder isn't black and white, even if you don't look anorexic or bulimic it doesn't necessarily mean you aren't struggling. 

I didn't realise I had a problem but I did and I still do.

There are so many sites worth checking out which will be linked below.

   http://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/types-of-mental-health-problems/eating-problems/#.V0XfZ5ErLIU

http://www.childline.org.uk/Pages/Home.aspx?utm_source=google&utm_medium=cpc&utm_campaign=UK_GO_S_E_BND_Grant_Childline_Pure_Brand&utm_term=childline&gclid=Cj0KEQjwmpW6BRCf5sXp59_U_ssBEiQAGCV9GtqTSJR2565RntZUMR5y8yrUmnUXl-Xlab2s7K_zumgaAtS78P8HAQ&gclsrc=aw.ds

Thank You! 

Lana xx

Instagram: lanablowers13

Twitter: lana_blowers

Alice through the looking glass UD pallet - Review

Like most makeup addicts, I was extremely excited when Urban Decay (one of my favourite brands) announced they would be doing an Alice In Wonderland themed collection again.

Especially since when the last one came out I wasn't introduced to the makeup world, let alone the more high end products.

I bought the pallet the day it came out and have had it long enough to give all the shades a go and let you know how I got on.

Packaging: 

I'm a complete sucker for nice packaging and this pallet is no exception. It comes in a fairly compact box that when opened you can see this quote "I'm not strange, weird, off, nor crazy, my reality is just different from yours.", which for me was a nice touch and anyone who is a fan of the movie will appreciate it.

When opening the flaps you are greeted with a butterfly, which I'm assuming is another reference to the movie, i.e the caterpillar Alice encounters in Wonderland.

Another 2 quotes were used for the packaging, the first being located on the draw to access the eye-shadows reading " I know who I was when I got up this morning, but I think I must have been changed several times since then” and the second being on the mirror reading "We're all made here".

Over all the quotes and colours were a good representation of the movie, however the only down side to the packaging is simply that it is made of cardboard, which means it can be slightly flimsy, it also means that the boarders separating the eye-shadows are very likely to get dirty and be hard to clean. 

 Product itself:

Overall the eye-shadows and fully wearable ranging from your neutral colours like the 3rd row from the top (dormouse, paradox, kingdom, salazen grum and chronosphere and to your more outragous colours like the bottom left corner (metamorphosis) and the 4th colour in the top row (heads will role) 

Each row is meant to represent each main character, and in my opinion they succeeded with their colour selection.  

(Staring from the left the character rows in order are: Alice, Mad Hatter, Mirana, Iracebeth and Time.

The pallet comes with a good variety of both Matt and Shimmer shades allowing you to create a variety of looks depending on your preference.

The only colour for me that was a complete miss was called Dream on (second colour from the 5th row), this is supposed to be a purple shimmer shade, slightly representing the shade Busted from their Naked 2 palette, however this shade when applied to the eyes has no colour pay-off, and only adds glitter to your eyes with an intense amount of fallout under the eyes.    

 Overall I did really enjoy using the palette and the quality of the shades is really good, if you are into this kind of thing, really like Alice in Wonderland or just collect limited edition products, this is something worth checking out.


Thank You!
Lana x

Arts = Failures

Hey, so I haven't been able to post recently as I was given the opportunity to finish my college course early, however this did mean I had around 4 weeks to do 3 months work. Never the less I am back now with a really exciting piece which for me is close to the heart.

A few days ago my favourite TV show "Castle" was cancelled, this came as a shock as I had been watching the show for 8 years, it was my solid ground and one of the only few constants in my life, it was something that made me happy and content, I feel in love with the characters and storyline so quickly it became a major aspect of my life.

I remember my family constantly saying that if I ever found a man I loved as much as the show, I should marry him because he's got to be the one. The fact that it was just gone made me sick, I felt like I had been dumped after an 8 year relationship, and it hurt.

It got me thinking, you see a few months ago I heard this mutual friend discuss and complain about the arts/creative industries, stating they were a waste of time and everyone should aim to be in medicine or anything that actually required a brain. 

After hearing this I was furious, ever since I was younger I always found I struggled with tests and was never the "smartest" kid in my class, never the less I fell in love with every creative outlet there was. Writing, poetry, music, acting pretty much anything that to most people seems useless.

People seem to forget how many things we wouldn't have without the creative industry...

  

TV Programs

Movies

Books

Poets

Music 

Youtube

bloggers 

and much more.

Without these things what would our lives be like? some argue that we lived without TV programs/movies before, but that isn't the case, the rich would watch theatre all the time as a way to entertain themselves.

If the creative industry was such as waste of time why would there be such a thing called "music therapy"!? the fact that music therapy has helped someone with dementia far better than medication ever has kinda says something.

My point is you should never go around undermining someone's profession, and you should never let some narrow minded ass tell you that you need to get a "real" job. 

Do what makes you happy and stay true to yourself, Always.

Thank You!

Lana 

xx

Losing my Tattoo Virginity

A few days ago I actually got my first tattoo, I've always wanted one and I decided to take the plunge and get one and I couldn't be happier.

To start with, I think its best if I explain what why tattoo actually is and my reasoning behind it. As you can see from the picture it’s an outline of a country, that country is Syria. Most of you don’t know this but I actually grew up there, I lived there for 8 years and they were some of the best of my life.

I consider myself as Syrian even though I don’t have the passport to prove it, I wanted to get something physical to connect me to the country, thus giving me the idea to get the outline tattooed somewhere on my body.

The place I went for was on my leg just above my ankle, the reasoning behind this is simple, I wanted the option to hide it if necessary. I couldn't help but wonder if I got this somewhere visible it might prevent future employers from hiring me.

Of course there are many other places I could get it, like on my back or ribcage however I have planned other tattoos to go in those places in the future after my scoliosis surgery.

I would really like to share some of the things I learned through this experience.

1.       Always wear something practical, as I said before I got the tattoo above my ankle, for my appointment I wore tights and ankle boots.
The tights were a pain to change out of and my ankle boots rubbed against the tattoo so much I had to buy new shoes to wear for the rest of the day.

2.       Always be sure the tattoo in mind is what you want. The easiest way to do this is to keep a picture of your potential tattoo visible somewhere in your room, spend a few months with it in sight and if you still like it, go for it.

3.       Keep in mind a tattoo can take anywhere between 2 -4 weeks to completely heal, be prepared to take care of it.

4.       If you are worried about getting old and the tattoo not looking so good in the future, get it somewhere that doesn't age too badly.

5.        If your job prevents you from getting a tattoo just get it somewhere you can easily cover up with your uniform.

6.       Go on recommendation, there are a lot of sketchy tattoo places so do your research.

7.       If your tattoo artists insists on doing your chosen tattoo free handed just leave because chances are they will mess it up.

Social Media's Prisoner

So recently after long debate I decided to get rid of my Facebook account, I had so many reasons for doing this which I would really like to share.

I've had Facebook for a long time, and to begin with it was cool, I didn't have a smart phone back then or a laptop so checking my Facebook was a once a day desktop task. I went to an international school where people constantly moved away, having a platform for us all to connect was great.

A year into my Facebook account I got a laptop as well as a crush, this meant I could hide in my room on my laptop hoping he'd talk to me, which was harmless at the time as when I needed to I could simply turn off my laptop and go spend time with my friends with no distractions.

Hitting 14 and getting my first smartphone was great, having actual internet wherever I went opened so many doors, or so I thought.

As my self-esteem dropped I needed "likes" to feel worthy of a life, after posting a new picture I would constantly check my phone to see who liked it and if this picture got more likes than the last one. I became invested in other people's opinions of me I started to devalue my own.

Instead Facebook became something I needed to feel worthy and liked.

My social life also struggled, I would always see people posting about how good their lives were, where they went and with who. It made me feel lonely, like I didn't have any friends.

Even when meeting up with my friends we all spent too much time checking our phones we forgot how to hold a conversation which made all my social outings pointless and made me feel ever more lonely.

Thinking about it now since deleting my Facebook only one out of my 300+ friends noticed, that kinda says something about the quality or virtual friends.

Finally Facebook is used for all the wrong reasons, its full of people posting negative stuff about either other people, religions, countries or disabilities. That has sadly been the main focus for this site for a good few years now. 

I wish I could say I miss Facebook but I don't, I've found myself less invested in other people's fake representations of their lives and began focusing on mine.

Moroccan Bath - Review

While speaking to my cousin in Dubai one evening she asked if I had ever had a Moroccan bath? I was intrigued mainly because I'd never heard of such a thing, she then went on to say that if I wanted to have one I could as she had a voucher, so I obviously jumped for the opportunity.

Today I will be telling you about the whole experience and the benefits I have personally experienced.

For those of you who do not know, a Moroccan bath is where you are scrubbed all over to get rid of all of the dead skin covering your body.

To start with I was lead into this room where I was meant to strip down completely and wear this disposable thong they had given me. This was new to me, I'd never really shown anyone my body like that before and never pictured myself showing it to a stranger, never the less I took the plunge.

Once I was undressed the lady took me to this steam room with this bed in the middle of it (and no, not an actual bed with a duvet).  To start with she covered me in this shower gel and then left me in the steam room by myself for a few minutes, I'm assuming this was to open up my pores before she began scrubbing.

She then entered with this black loofah kinda thing and began scrubbing me all over, within minutes all this dead skin came poring off, I was personally shocked at how much dead skin you actually have on your body. 

When my hole body was done she applied the same shower gel all over my body and then finished everything off by washing my hair.

After the treatment I could've passed out, I was so incredibly relaxed which was pretty surprising seeing as being washed by a stranger isn't exactly the most comforting thought.

I would highly recommend the treatment to anyone regardless of age or gender. So many benefits come from a treatment like this, for example...

1. You feel like a whole new person
2. Any flaky or dry skin you may have is gone!
3. You get rid of all the dead skin on your body
4. It is an experience
5. I actually tanned much quicker and easier once I got this treatment done
6. Your skin feels incredible! 

Like I said this is really something worth trying and like I said before I was lucky in the fact I did not have to pay for this incredible experience however if the opportunity were to ever come around again I would pay the money. 

Holiday Blues

It takes a lot of courage to step on a plan and prepare yourself to fly back to a country you are supposed to call home, there is something about that warm sun that makes you want to stay and never look back.

That's how I felt stepping on the plane preparing to fly back to England, a place where I knew I didn't belong. 

The "Holiday Blues" is something we all go through, a holiday is supposed to relax you and make you happier however when coming back you find yourself in a worse state compared to when you left.

I remember the tears rolling down my eyes as the seatbelt sign went off and I knew it was over, I didn't want to leave, in Dubai I had family, family that loved me and were all desperately waiting at the airport to come pick me up.

Here? I had the taxi driver Dave....

I was leaving people that loved me to come back to a place I hated and for the life of me I did not get why on earth I didn't run off the plane when I had the chance. 

In fact I almost did, there were a couple that ran off the plane, I wanted to follow, but knew I had a job to get back to, and I was not entitled to any more leave.

After arriving back home I spend 5 days straight in my room sulking and binge watching reality TV, I didn't want to put my coat on, go outside and face the cold I had escaped for 2 weeks. I knew that the second I felt that cool breeze on my skin it would officially be over.

At home I could turn the heating up, close my eyes and just pretend.

I wish I could say a week after coming back I feel better, because I don't. I have no idea what I'm looking for but I know its not this, but who knows? I may feel differently 2 months down the line.

Even though I'm still struggling with the harsh reality there have been a few things that have helped me with my so called holiday blues. 

1.  Get out of the house, seriously.
2. Spend time with people that make you smile.
3. Create a memory, that will help you form an attachment with your country.
4. Assure yourself there will be more opportunities to travel.
5. Start saving for your next holiday!, this will not only give you something to work for but also something to look forward to!

Thank you so much for reading, I know this isn't the happiest of posts but I just had to share this experience with you.

Lana xx

Top 8 places to visit in Dubai

Hey! 

So as you all know I was on holiday for the past 2 weeks in Dubai and I'd love to share all the best places to visit with you guys.

• Atlantis: Now this is actually located on the man made island called the Palm (yes you can still drive there). It is actually a hotel but they do have a massive aquarium open to the public which is really worth seeing.
  
  
  
• Miracle Garden: This is more or less a massive flower garden, but its honest;y not as boring as it sounds, its actually really breath taking. The only thing I will say about this place is its best to go when the weather isn't too hot as you will be walking around a lot.
  
  
• Global Village: This place was amazing, it is basically this massive place with all these countries selling traditional items/food you would find in that country. However it is important to note they will not let you in if you are wearing anything above the knee, so if you plan on visiting, wear a pair of jeans.
  
   

Global village entrance
on the left.



               Miracle garden on the
               right.

• Dubai Mall: If you are going to shop this is the place to do it, its honestly massive! I have cousins that have lived in Dubai for years and they still get lost. You can spend a whole day here and not get bored just try to make sure you look at the maps because you will find yourself really overwhelmed.
  
  
• The Dubai Fountain: This, as the name suggests is a fountain that goes off every half hour starting from 6 (don't quote me on that). Its really cool and worth watching and is actually right outside Dubai Mall.
  
  
• Burj Khalifa: If you don't already know, this is the tallest building in the world and let me just say wow, seeing it online or from a distance does not do it justice, when you find yourself face to face with the building you will understand all the hype surrounding it. Again this is right outside Dubai mall and opposite the fountain.
  
  

Dubai Fountain on the left.

       Burj Khalifa on the right.

• Yas Waterworld:This is the biggest water park in the area and if you do not go you are crazy!. The rides are incredible and the staff are lovely. The only thing I will say is the food is really over priced so just be prepared to pay a little more than you are used to.

• Kite Beach: This is one of many beaches in Dubai however compared to the other ones this is the nicest (in my opinion) its got everything you could possibly want from a beach and it isn't too big. You can also see Burj Al Arab from the beach.
  
  
  

I did manage to go to a load more other places however these are the ones that really stuck out to me, its important to mention as a little disclaimer that I was staying with family so things like food and entry tickets I was not paying for. 

Thank you so much for reading this and I hope you enjoyed it, I shall leave you with a few more pictures.

Lana xx

Flying solo

Hey guys! yeah I know it has been a while however I have been on holiday for the past 2 weeks. I was lucky enough to get the opportunity to visit my family in Dubai. 

However my mother and brother were not able to come with me which meant I was flying solo for the first time. 

I learned a lot through this experience and thought I would share all the things I learned during my adventures at the airport...

Tip #1: When booking your flight make sure you are flying to and from small airports, the last thing you want is to end up wondering around Heathrow trying to find your gate only to realise you should've turned left 8 miles ago.

Tip #2: Do yourself a favour and buy a watch, you have to be at your gate on time and you can not depend on your phone for the time because chances are its at the bottom of your handbag and you've got to dig through all your travel essentials (which lets be honest you didn't need to bring in the first place) to find your phone. 

Tip #3: Follow people, this specifically comes in handy when you have no idea where baggage claim is and all the signs are in French and you start to regret not paying attention in French class.

Tip #4: Take the time to memorise people's faces, that way when you reach your destination and you are looking for which carousel your bags are on you can just look for a familiar face.

Tip #5: Bring something to relax you in case you get anxious, even if you do not suffer from anxiety. What ever you bring is up to you, it can range from medication to just a song that takes the edge off. 

Tip #6: Don't be afraid to ask questions, even if it seems silly chances are someone else has asked the same question before too.

Tip #7: Well this isn't really a tip, more of a statement. If you are one of those people that reclines the seat.... you suck. Stop, the person behind you doesn't want have the TV screen in their face for 8 hours.

Tip #8: Never depend on the in flight entertainment EVER! I have had two occasions where they have not worked and without family/friends to talk to you will be bored. Always bring alternative scores of entertainment for the sake of your sanity, however if you do forget they do serve alcoholic drinks on the plane.  

And that is it for this week's post, I know it isn't a long one however in the coming weeks I will be posting more about my holiday.

Thank you

Lana xx

Number of Likes = Amount of Self-worth

Hey,

I apologise for not being able to post on Wednesday, things were pretty hectic that day however I am here today with a new post.

Now about a week ago I came into college in a pair of black jeans, black top, my Kurt Geiger "Stacy" heeled ankle boots and a floppy hat (which was something out of my comfort zone). I felt good that day, however the second I got into my lesson I was constantly complimented on how I look, even members of staff went on to say I looked great that day.

After a day full of compliments I decided this would be the best time to take a new selfie (which is probably the most generic thought I have ever had), never the less I took one anyway and liked it so much I posted it as my new Facebook profile picture.

No more than 24 hours later, I had numerous comments on how pretty/beautiful I was and 71 likes.... my emotion was relief, as so much anxiety comes from posting things online. But then after a few days the emotional high wore off and I was back to my insecure self and spending loads of time being envious of the "perfect" pictures of girls I saw online.

I then thought back to my picture, everyone thought I looked good but no one actually knew how many pictures I took to get it right, how much make-up I was wearing, what filter I used and what lighting, everyone just saw a naturally pretty girl.

At that moment I realised how much work must go into all these pictures of models online, it also made me realise that people post what they want you to see, not all the drama behind it. If you looked at my picture you wouldn't be able to tell I was suffering from depression, anxiety and low self-esteem, you would've just seen my emotional high, which was generated by other people's approval.

The point of this post is to inform people that things online are not as perfect as them seem, and this is something really important to remember if you want to look like the girls in the magazines. I want to make a positive impact on the people that read this and hopefully reading this will help you see what I did when I posted that picture.

I am not saying I no longer envy the girls I see in the magazines because I am human and will always crave the approval of others and society's "perfect" ideal image, however I will be thinking twice when I see a girl who looks as if she has it all figured out and I hope you'll do the same.

Either way this is the picture I took, to insure you guys have some context to what I am talking about...

While I have your attention I would also like to say that this week I FUCKED UP, actually I feel like that is an understatement, I'm not going to go into details because its personal and honestly a story for another time, however a few days ago I put the people I love and care about the most in a horrific position, I was selfish, immature and should've known better. For the past few days I have been beating myself up for what I have done.

I realise now it is really not healthy and I am trying to move on and stop beating myself up for something that has already happened. And on that note the last line I would like to leave you guys with is, who you are is not what you did or where you have been (Innocent by Taylor Swift).

Thank you! 

Lana - xx