I apologise for not being able to post on Wednesday, things were pretty hectic that day however I am here today with a new post.
Now about a week ago I came into college in a pair of black jeans, black top, my Kurt Geiger "Stacy" heeled ankle boots and a floppy hat (which was something out of my comfort zone). I felt good that day, however the second I got into my lesson I was constantly complimented on how I look, even members of staff went on to say I looked great that day.
After a day full of compliments I decided this would be the best time to take a new selfie (which is probably the most generic thought I have ever had), never the less I took one anyway and liked it so much I posted it as my new Facebook profile picture.
No more than 24 hours later, I had numerous comments on how pretty/beautiful I was and 71 likes.... my emotion was relief, as so much anxiety comes from posting things online. But then after a few days the emotional high wore off and I was back to my insecure self and spending loads of time being envious of the "perfect" pictures of girls I saw online.
I then thought back to my picture, everyone thought I looked good but no one actually knew how many pictures I took to get it right, how much make-up I was wearing, what filter I used and what lighting, everyone just saw a naturally pretty girl.
At that moment I realised how much work must go into all these pictures of models online, it also made me realise that people post what they want you to see, not all the drama behind it. If you looked at my picture you wouldn't be able to tell I was suffering from depression, anxiety and low self-esteem, you would've just seen my emotional high, which was generated by other people's approval.
The point of this post is to inform people that things online are not as perfect as them seem, and this is something really important to remember if you want to look like the girls in the magazines. I want to make a positive impact on the people that read this and hopefully reading this will help you see what I did when I posted that picture.
I am not saying I no longer envy the girls I see in the magazines because I am human and will always crave the approval of others and society's "perfect" ideal image, however I will be thinking twice when I see a girl who looks as if she has it all figured out and I hope you'll do the same.
Either way this is the picture I took, to insure you guys have some context to what I am talking about...
While I have your attention I would also like to say that this week I FUCKED UP, actually I feel like that is an understatement, I'm not going to go into details because its personal and honestly a story for another time, however a few days ago I put the people I love and care about the most in a horrific position, I was selfish, immature and should've known better. For the past few days I have been beating myself up for what I have done.
I realise now it is really not healthy and I am trying to move on and stop beating myself up for something that has already happened. And on that note the last line I would like to leave you guys with is, who you are is not what you did or where you have been (Innocent by Taylor Swift).
Thank you!
Lana - xx
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